The owner of a golf course was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help.
He called her into his office and said, ‘You graduated from the University of Tennessee and I need some help. If I were to give you $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?’
The secretary thought a moment, and then replied, ‘Everything but my earrings.’
A group of Alabama friends went deer hunting and paired off in twos for the day. That night, one of the hunters returned alone, staggering under the weight of an eight-point buck. ‘Where’s Henry?’ the others asked.
‘Henry had a stroke of some kind. He’s a couple of miles back up the trail,’ the successful hunter replied.
‘You left Henry laying out there and carried the deer back?’ they inquired.
‘ Tough call,’ nodded the hunter ‘But I figured no one is going to steal Henry!’
The Sheriff pulled up next to the guy unloading garbage out of his pick-up into the ditch. The Sheriff asked, ‘Why are you dumping garbage in the ditch? Don’t you see that sign right over your head’. ‘Yep’, he replied…’That’s why I was dumpin it here, cause it says:
‘Fine For Dumping Garbage’.
A senior at LSU was overheard saying… ‘When the end of the world comes, I hope to be in Louisiana .’ When asked why, he replied he’d rather be in Louisiana because everything happens in Louisiana 20 years later than in the rest of the civilized world.
The young man from Kentucky came running into the store and said to his buddy, ‘Bubba, somebody just stole your pickup truck from the parking lot!’
Bubba replied, ‘Did you see who it was?’
The young man answered, ‘I couldn’t tell, but I got his license number.’
A Georgia State trooper pulled over a pickup on I- 75. The trooper asked, ‘Got any I. D. ?’
The driver replied, ‘Bout whut?’
A man in North Carolina had a flat tire, pulled off on the side of the road, and proceeded to put a bouquet of flowers in front of the car and one behind it.
Then he got back in the car to wait. A passerby studied the scene as he drove by and was so curious he turned around and went back. He asked the fellow what the problem was.
The man replied, ‘Ah gotta a flat tarr.’
The passerby asked, ‘But what’s with the flowers?’
The man responded, ‘Wen yer truck breaks down, yer sposed ta put flares in the front and flares in the back.’
Hey, it don’t make no sense to me neither.’