I wrote a huge long drawn out blog here & then deleted it lol. Anyway.
My b-day sucked. People suck. I hate almost everyone, even if I don’t really…and I feel like being alone forever so that way I don’t have to deal with let downs. lol. What am I talking about? Everyone is a let down. Idk why I bother to care. Why should I right? Eff it. I’ll just focus on me. No one will like me then, but u know what…they don’t anyway…not really…not enough to be there on my birthday of all days. Whatever. I was down all yesterday about that…I spent the b-day in my room in the dark. Party time!
Oh well…I feel down today too but such is life when you’re me lol. Almost nothing makes me happy and if something could or would it won’t come about because I’m one of those people who tends to enjoy things I can’t seem to have for some odd reason. Even when I shop…without looking at the tag most of the time…the thing I just so happen to like is the thing that is the most expensive over the others for no real reason and it’s just the one I’ll choose every time…without even trying. I think that’s my life…in every aspect lol. Everything I ever want is always out of reach or grasp for me. Doesn’t matter what it is…school…people…clothes…furniture…amounts of money I might strive for…paying bills on time…everything’s out of reach.
Everything that would make me feel happy is something that is just not quite something I can have…or something that just won’t happen no matter how much I want it. No wonder I’m always frustrated and depressed and stressed out. I feel like those hamsters on their spinny wheels running to nothing for eternity lol. I put lol but I’m not actually laughing…and although I’m a funny person…most things I say are only funny because I sound so mad or depressed or down that people can’t help but laugh which is fine because I like making other people laugh…even if when I say things I’m actually serious and not trying to even be funny. Oh well. Half the time I am trying to be funny even though what I’m saying happens to be true and serious…just also funny.
Well anyway I just wrote another borderline not right for this site blog lol. It can’t be sunshine and flowers all the time. At least I spared you the one I was writing before this…it was much more bleek and depressive…I added some happy pills to this one so that you won’t want to die after reading it. So you can thank me for that. ha. Well, I am going to go dry my hair and attempt to look ok so I can go out to breakfast if my lazy asshole friend ever wakes up to go. I’m pretty starving today since I laid in bed yesterday and didn’t really eat. I wasn’t hungry. I get like that. bleh.
Well…ttyl people. Hope someone found this entertaining or something!