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I am being evicted :(


By Jessica / 9 years ago / In: General ,



It’s 10am and I have no reason why I should be awake. Well that’s a lie, which brings me to the fact that I need to make a warning now… This entry has the potential to be the longest blog entry in the history of man. A lot of shit has been happening to me lately and well I have been putting off writing about it for a number of reasons. First and foremost the bulk of it is humiliating to admit, and second it’s extremely overwhelming.

Ok sooooooo… to start? I have been feeling mentally sane and generally a TON better. Which is good! Right? So I decided to go back to stripping like who knows… a month ago? As soon as I went back I was fired. I was accused of not giving some fucking asshole his correct change after his lap dances which was not the case. The guy was drunk and confused and reported that I never gave him any change when the fact of the matter was I gave him MOST of his change and asked him if it would be ok if I gave him the other 18 bucks I owed him after I went up on stage again. I didn’t want to break a hundred dollar bill for 18 dollars, and the guy said he was going to be there for awhile and it would be fine.

So a friend of mine came in and I went to sit with him instead of said asshole to whom I owed 18 bucks. Asshole went and reported to my boss in a drunken stupor that I didn’t give him ANY change and that I owed him 60 dollars instead of 18 AND that I had just ran off instead of discussing anything with him. I think he was generally angry that I went to sit with my real life buddy instead of his disgusting strip club going loser ass. (Ok I really don’t think all guys that frequent strip clubs are assholes, I just want to make the point that this guy was desperate and retarded.) My boss said that I either give him the 60 dollars that asshole said I owed him of pack up my shit and never come back. Um, with that I packed up my shit and left.

This was a NEGATIVE thing because at the time I need money to pay my rent. After pretty much a year of extremely destructive behavior I dug myself into a hole financially. Thus is the reason I decided to go back to the hell hole in the first place. However being fired was a blessing in disguise. And let me list some reasons why:

1. I no longer have to conform to what is the said universal fantasy of men.

2. Fucking fuck self tanner, I no longer feel that I need to wear it without my job at the hell hole and thank you lordy lord.

3. I can color my hair blue, purple, green, pink or grey if I want and I no longer have to wonder, “Is this marketable to dumb asses?”

4. In stripping I always felt like I was SUBMITTING to what ass holes wanted me to be. Online with my website I feel comfortable being myself because it reaches a broader audience and there is certainly a market for everything.

5. Fuck shaving, I no longer have to obsessively dedicate my life to being hair free. I can now shave what I want, when I want.

6. I no longer have to use make-up to cover up my scars because my insanity is not marketable to ass holes. I can cover them up if I so choose, and I do not choose.

7. I can better limit my interactions with drug pushers and rapists.

And that my friend, is the SHORT list.

So in essence, I now feel that I have a better ability to be who I want to be rather then who I feel I NEED to be to make a living.

Now onto the hell hell HELL…

With being short of completely insane in the last year and indulging in inappropriate self destructive and EXPENSIVE habits, like I said… I have dug a hole financially. This has led me to be late several times on various bills including my rent. There was generally no reason for this except the fact that I wanted to blow money on said habits instead of having a roof over my head. (I won’t go into these “habits” for obvious reasons.) This is ONE of the reasons I am now being EVICTED.

Yes ladies and gentlemen I am being evicted. The other reasons why are that I have a unreported dog living with me and a broken back door window I failed to report because I was late on the rent when it happened. The shattered window was reported by maintenance and since I have also had a broken in front door window in the passed the landlord is now weary of the kind of lifestyle I live, which I guess he has I right to be.

The windows being broken into are however not my fault and happened months apart from each other. However the damages, unreported beastling, and chronic late rent payments add up to be grounds for, “get the fuck out of my building you loser cuntwhore!” For this reason, I am 2 inches away from running into the street when I see a large automobile approaching at full speed.

I LOVE this apartment. I love how large it is, how much space I have, and the location. I reside in a historical area downtown close to good bars, good friends and everything I could ask for. I don’t drive right now so this is really key. I was officially evicted in small claims court last Friday. I have no idea when I technically need to be out for sure because I was supposed to be served this information on Monday by a sheriff. There has been no sheriff by with any info however and I am sitting here fretting my little ass off wondering if the Sheriff will just show up at random and physically throw me out on the street and confiscate all of my beloved computer equipment and sell it to try to cover my damages.

I have no car to get boxes to pack. I have no one to rely on to help me move. My grandmother and I cannot lift this shit in here. I have NO WHERE TO FUCKING GO.

I have a few options here.

1. Move in with a random stranger that has offered to let me live with them. I put up a bulletin on myspace to see if anyone needs a roommate. Of course I only got male responses. I do appreciate the kindness but I am a bit off put by there only being MEN that desire to help this damsel in distress. Also although the bulk of these men really aim to do well, none of them are really that close of friends. I may know them through the grapevine, but yeah I don’t know their last names or if they are just horny bastards that want a sexually expressive genius (hehe) living in the same realm as they. My reputation is that I am a whore. (of course because all strippers/ nude models/ cam girls/ women that are sexually at ease with themselves are SKANKS.) So they could just be trying to get in with me to get laid. And being that I am extremely suspicious of the motivations of most men, this is all extremely and stressfully disturbing.

2. I could move back in with my grandmother. Apart from this just being embarrassing that I might have to actually do this, this really puts a damper on my business, since I make sexually explicit videos, photos and do live sexually explicit shows for a living. Granny knows what I do so it’s not like her discovering this would be a shock, however actually DOING these things with her a room away in a very small apartment with thin walls is another story entirely. I would have to do my shows with no sound and honestly people prefer sound and I am concerned this would take a huge chunk out of my earnings. Also you really can’t make videos without sound so I would have to carefully orchestrate times to do these videos while she is out doing grandma stuff, and she rarely leaves her house so this would be difficult. Also she lives in another town, and although it’s close to here I doubt that I can woo people (i.e. friends) to come out of their way to pick me up to go do stuff. And finally, I’m not sure she will let me bring my dog and kitty with me to live there. OH and she doesn’t have internet it would be hell to get this installed and find someone to hook up the wireless for me.

3. Move back to Seattle. I could pick up my life and just export it back to Washington. I have a possible place to stay that is located very close to my mums. Also my mums has like three extra rooms in her house so that’s not a problem at all. My mom works days so business wise this is not an issue… I could get my work done then. The main problems are that: a. I don’t want to leave my granny alone. I am pretty much all she has here. B. she (mums) won’t let me bring my mammals, and even if she did, how would I get them out there? C. I would need to either rent a truck to get out there which would be extremely dangerous for me as I have no experience with driving trucks in mountains, OR ship my shit out there separate from myself and in doing this before when I moved out to Seattle I discovered that this is extremely expensive.

Ok and let me reiterate the fact that I have NO ONE to help me pack, move, or let me bitch to them about how much this sucks.

So if you can get me boxes (Maurine), please help me.

If you can lift heavy things and are willing to help, please help me.

If you have a suggestion on you know… where to go, please help me.

Now since I have gotten this off of my chest I would like to admit that I WAS going to try to hide this from everyone. After all, people that hate me (and I have a TON of haters) are going to have a field day with this. And this is just generally HUMILIATING. I feel so stressed and high strung I might just explode. I am also out of my addreral and out of my adavan, so you know… cool.

On the plus side…

I colored my hair pink and I am coloring some tracks (extensions) blue and putting those in with it later today.

My skin looks nice being it’s natural color again.

And I had a dream that Tom Waits was nailing me from the back in a shower and I woke up masturbating.

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