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coming home :)


By Jessica / 9 years ago / In: General ,



Today is my last day in Vegas. I am really looking forward to getting home and being halfway active again. I have gained SO MUCH weight but it was very fun to do. Nothing like eating yummy foods on vacation. I really needed to get away from my regular environment for awhile. Everyone was disappointing me left and right, and yes that totally includes myself. But you know, it’s really all a matter of letting go and either leaving those people out of my life or excepting their short coming and moving forward with caution.

In all seriousness, I would really like to move away. Maybe I mean that in geographical sense and maybe I mean that in a mind sense. Perspective is all a matter of how one views a thing. I need to change my attitude and perspective of my surroundings. I don’t need to reinforce negativity. Negativity will always exist in the universe on it’s own with or without me attracting more or less of it, but if I perceive to have a positive control of my life I will stop attracting more and more of what is already going to be around without question now and forever. If that makes any sense… It does to me.

Substance wise I have been doing better and better with few “relapses” with alcohol. I think I will always be a heavy drinker, and honestly I think it is what it is and nothing more. The only time it has made itself an issue is when I have allowed it to. When I have made alcohol the enemy or escape. Now I know when I am feeling pent up with frustration and anxiety the best thing to do is not alter my perceptions with any medicine or substance such as alcohol, but instead to do something wonderful for myself in the moment to relieve the pressure and allow myself to take a step back and see the situation for what it is. Not all things can be changed, but most things can be. To view the whole picture allows you to find all routes to neutral, and that is where I would like to be.

I’m not sure if you can tell but this Vacation has been just that for me. I have taken time to look at a lot of my issues and situations outside of being in the thick of them and found ways that I can improve… Here are some of my plans.

1. Save and be prepared to pay the re-entry fee for beauty school after the first fall class starts back, probably in or around October.

2. Clean and arrange my apartment to reach a level of ultimate comfort in my home. Indulge in pleasures such as; candles, incense, silly glade scent plug ins and such to increase the value of my home and render it as a safe place to recharge.

3. Eat cleaner and more natural (less processed) foods to feel better inside and out.

(On a side note, I have gone back to eating some meats lately, not just the fresh fish I usually eat in sushi… I’m taking some grody stuff like on pizza and in other nasty crap. I have noticed a serious difference in the way I feel physically and emotionally. Ugh so I am seriously considering going back vegan for a period of time to basically cleanse my system of the hell of I have put it through lately.)

4. When a negative thought enters my head about a situation, a person or myself back it up by refusing to finish the thought and pulling out a positive counter thought to kill it in it’s tracks.

And that’s just the beginning…

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