Someone please provide me an unlimited budget to change locations on. K thx.
Yeah I want fucking out of this hole and damn it I have every reason to go. I’ve gotten farther and farther away from the girl I know myself to be, god damn it.
Yesterday was Labor day and all of every one I know and consider to be my friend held and attended a cookout that out of 30-30 (? I could be exaggerating) people, no one bothered to message, email or call and give me an invite. I guess that means that out of all of those people that I thought were truly on my side really don’t give a rats ass about me. Thanks guys! Thanks for remembering that I exist over here!
Fuck that, they probably will never have any idea how much that hurt my feelings to not invite me to the event they planned. I even made a comment about it on one of my friends myspace pages and yet still no one bothered to notice I would have liked to come. I honestly have no real friends I lost one friend over something flipping retarded at the beginning of that week and then all the other guys I held dear failed to think I may like to come and be social with the homie circle. I am completely alone in this world.
Having no friends and no one to call is such an empty feeling and I am sure I pulled this upon myself in a matter of random ways. Decisions I have made have ultimately alienated me I’m sure. But those people who never call or bother to invite me to events like yesterdays, simply are not my friends at all and I should not only accept that but stop trying to make any contact with people like that as they just hold me down. I wish you could see my number book… I have scribbled out so many names this last month out of anger that I am the one who calls numerous times a week to hang out but to no avail.
Then on top of all of this, remember I am supposed to go to Vegas in the morning? Well fucking Kyle who was supposed to take me nonchalantly mentions to me at like 1:30 in the morning last night that he can’t take me to the airport which is 4 hours away. Leaving me with no options to make my flight, then he casually changes the subject as if it’s no big deal at all. I was going to pay him out the ass to take me because he needed rent money, which I am sure his parents paid for him and he no longer needs it thus he has no reason to expend energy being a friend to me.
Regardless if that’s the truth or not the fact is that his car is messing up and he’s been driving his mom’s car. Of course I didn’t know his car was having problems and if it was why was he so willing to volunteer and take me? Um… Because he needed something (money) from me of course. Damn it why didn’t he accept that he had issues with his car and just not offer me the ride? I’m sure some random ass person in town could take me but only MEN have offered and honestly it makes me wonder for my safety. Yeah accepting rides from strangers after the life I have lived is simply not an option, sorry guys.
Please punch yourself in the gut ten times as hard as you can and drink a shot of bleach… then you’ll know how I feel.